Having the humility to be blessed

Mission or ministry with people who are poor or vulnerable often assumes that "our" task is to meet "their" needs. Whether their need is for the good news of Christ or for bread and a place to sleep, we tend to think that we have the resources and they have the needs. A focus on friendship rearranges our assumptions. What if the resources they have also meet our needs? What if Jesus is already present in ways that will minister to us? What if in sharing life together as friends we all move closer to Jesus' heart?

- Christopher Heuertz and Christine Pohl, Friendship at the Margins

In a limited sense, this is a concept that many people manage to take the first step on. I've heard things like "service is for your own soul" or "I think I got more out of that short-term mission than they did". While both statements may be true, they don't really challenge the lopsided power dynamic that can be brought into service situations with the poor. The assumption is still that it is our service that makes the difference, our actions that drive the experience. The question that I think needs to be asked, if we are to be each other's neighbor and build mutually edifying friendships in Christ, is "Am I allowing myself to learn from and be served on their terms?"

Of course, if we ask this question in our own little bubble then we won't be doing much better. Our friends who are poor are the ones who can answer the question, if we place ourselves into the vulnerable relationships that allow them to start meeting our needs.


There's another concept that's important to add here. In the course of recognizing God's focus on the poor and our own need to enter into relationship with them, we run the risk of our language reflecting the very walls we are trying to break down. As Pohl and Heuertz state:

the very emphasis on the importance of "the poor" can reinforce conventional categories of otherness. It is easy to slip into one more version of "us and them," the very pattern we are trying to break down. Serveral things can help us avoid this tendency: remembering our own vulnerability, dependence and need for community, being truthful, and practicing confession and forgiveness.

- Christopher Heuertz and Christine Pohl, Friendship at the Margins

Living in simplicity and reducing the discrepancies in our possessions, maintaining a loose grip on those possessions and time that we do have, and a deepening of the friendships we are talking about can also help to reduce that "otherness" that we are trying to eliminate in our heads.

Still, none of this can make us "the same" as the poor people in our lives. Heuertz and Pohl note that we will always have the benefit of the education and social connections we grew up with. Most of us will always have a greater access to money and other resources than the poor will ever have, even if we get wealth out of our own hands for the moment. Through our friends, family, citizenship, and the circumstances of our upbringing, we have a safety net they will never have. But that's part of the reason we need these friendships, that we can see an aspect of life we don't have to face ourselves.  We must learn from those for whom trust in God takes on dimensions that are difficult for us to experience ourselves.  Through the mutual edification that can take place in real friendships, we can bring together the strengths of different parts of the body in order to realize a more complete expression of the Body of Christ.  Pohl and Heuertz emphasize that the differences are "only part of the story, because the ways God works in and through us are much more connected to tender hearts and open hands than to personal assets and skills. Our completeness is found in Christ and community where distinctions in status or resources mean much less."

Am I learning from our friends who live in poverty? Do I have the humility and willingness to submit that will allow that to happen? Am I developing my friendships in such a way that empowers them to give me as much as I want to give them? Until I can answer these questions in the affirmative, neither of us will get all that God desires for us in these relationships.

Pray for them

Painful events have occured in the lives of the children we serve with, and our fledgling classes are in limbo for now. We will still do outreach, but don't know who we'll be able to find. I wish I could say more, but it will have to wait until I get back. Please pray for them.

Hanging out on the streets

The last two days of service have been my best so far here. It started quietly enough - myself and three of my Thai friends went out to a red light district to hang out with street kids, only to find our friend we wanted to meet asleep at a storefront. "Plan B" was just to hang out across the street until he woke up. It was oddly peaceful - I just sat on a bench praying for the people who walked by. Interesting people pass by in a red light district, many showing some aspect of their prayer needs right on the surface, though all have needs apparent only to those who get to know them. We went on like that for quite some time, just sitting and silently praying.


As the night got late our friend woke up and came over to join us. Two of the Thai friends I had come with bantered with him while I hung back, but soon enough another one of our street friends joined us, and her and I settled in for some games of tic-tac-toe, drawing, and English letter practice on my whiteboard. It was my most satisfying moment in three weeks, mostly because I felt accepted and blessed by the interaction, knowing that she was willing to be my friend. We can't yet communicate much verbally as we are both still weak in our newly shared 2nd/3rd language, but we could tell that each other was having fun, and that's what mattered.

Soon two more "farangs", another Thai friend from our group and another friend from the streets showed up. Then several more street kids found us and we had a near-party on our hands. We grabbed some treats, shared them and played around in the midst of all the weirdness that is the red lights. Though a couple of the boys got a little rambunctious, we had fun, and despite not returning home until after midnight I still felt full of energy.

The next day picked up where we left off with the opening of a little drop-in center we're starting up for those same kids. We were disorganized on day one, but we'll learn and grow. We started out with lunch, did an art project, and played some games while making nametags and messing with the alphabets a little. Only a few kids were there for most of it, but a couple more came late and we pray it will grow a little with word-of-mouth. In our next session (later this week) we'll incorporate Thai and English literacy lessons along with the art and games, and we'll see what happens from there. It's new territory and we're trying to keep expectations low and flexibility high. Our first objective is just that the kids can have fun, and if God can use us to help them process something or expand their opportunities along the way, then we will engage that chance with joy.

And joy is what I got to have in those interactions. It's only a small start, but I am grateful for that blessing and pray for many more such blessings to come, God willing.

This is why I'm doing what I'm doing

Evangelism, and even the notion of mission itself, has sometimes been reduced to the words we share with another person, telling them about Jesus, salvation or eternal life. Words are important, but they can also be cheap. If we use words and get words in response, sometimes we think we've done mission or evangelism. Ministry among poor and vulnerable people reminds us that words are rarely enough--what each of us needs is to know that we are loved by Jesus, beloved of God. Everything else flows from that. In situations of injustice or despair, words alone are particularly insufficient. People need to be loved and valued by others. They need to see what love looks like.

- Christopher Heuertz and Christine Pohl, Friendship at the Margins

I first read this quote in July and meant to blog about it then, but my wife gave away the book before I got around to it. :P I just got another copy and will probably be quoting from it a lot. I was really, really moved by the subject of the book and think that it does more to explain why our organization does what it does. Please read it if you're interested.

Loving my enemy

Therefore you are inexcusable, O man, whoever you are who judge, for in whatever you judge another you condemn yourself; for you who judge practice the same things.  - Romans 2:1

Surprisingly, the most difficult aspect of volunteering in red-light districts has been my feelings towards the foreign men I see on the streets. There's something about the in-your-face audaciousness, the party atmosphere, and the large numbers of foreigners that make it easy for me to make assumptions about these men. The fact that I've recently read several books dealing with human trafficking and the abuses committed against women in this environment hasn't helped.



The first two times I went into the red lights, I vacillated between maddogging these "johns" and trying to openly express sadness. I assumed that every man I saw was looking for sex. Unless they were clearly tourists, I assumed that nearly every woman I saw with a man had been bought. And when I saw middle-aged and older White men with apparently teenaged Asian girls, I had difficulty holding back my anger. Scenarios would play in my mind that could provide an excuse to act out physically. I also imagined taking a camera and getting pictures of all the guys I saw, to be posted on the Internet and viewed by wives, girlfriends, coworkers and fellow churchgoers. These ideas were not Christ-like and they did not make me feel better, but I didn't know how to deal with what I saw.

The issue came to a head when a very intoxicated individual forced himself into a situation I felt some responsibility for and I confronted him. He drew out the situation the way only a drunk man can, and while it didn't turn violent there was an extended period of time where it felt like we were right on the edge. The confrontation didn't end until outside circumstances brought it to a close, and nothing was gained by the encounter. Soon afterwards I began openly seeking advice regarding my feelings towards the men I am encountering in these dark places.

I am learning to view them with compassion and love rather than hate. Part of the reason for this is practical truth - many of my assumptions are false. Not every man I see is looking to buy someone, and not every couple I see is the result of a financial transaction. Some may even be here for the same reasons that me and my wife are. But even for those who are engaging in the abuses I hate so much, anger and desire for violent confrontation aren't the solution. There is a brokenness here that I only understand a little bit of, but God sees it. He knows how these men are hurting, he knows the pain that drives them to seek love and acceptance and control in a place like this, and He desires for them to live a fuller life. If I could see them with His eyes, I would see wounded souls made in the image of God, and I would see the potential for so much more than the moral gutters they are dragging themselves through.

If I could look at these men through God's eyes, I would also see much more of myself than I realize. I have my own brokenness, and I've acted out my own sin in failed attempts to deal with it. It is far too easy for me to see other paths that could have led me to the red lights. And if I had, I would have brought to God's truth not via hateful stares and verbal confrontations, but through the kind of compassion that envelops its target in love and can still say, "Go and sin no more."

Lord, I know you love the men on these streets with every bit of the intensity that you love the children we spend time with, the women suffering here, and those of us who call you Savior. I know you desire to forgive them of every bit as much sin as you've forgiven me. Give me eyes to see and a heart to love in the same manner that you do, and through your love may they one day be able to see themselves as children of the most high God and the women in their lives as the same.

These pages are to tell you,
my brother, my sister,
not to run away from people who are in pain
or who are broken,
but to walk towards them,
to touch them.
Then you will find rising up within you the well of love,
springing from resurrection....

If you walk with Jesus along this path,
he will lead you
to the poor, the weak, the lonely and the oppressed,
not with fear and despair,
not with feelings of guilt and helplessness,
not with anger and revolt,
not with theories and preconceived solutions,
but with a new and deeper
peace and love and hope.
 
And he will reveal to you the new meaning
of pain and darkness;
how joy springs
from the wounds of brokenness.
He will reveal to you
that he is hidden in
the poor, the weak, the lonely and the oppressed.
 
He will reveal to you the way to refind,
rebuild, renew and receive
the relationship of gentle love and fidelity
that is at the origin of all existence.
It will be revealed as a tiny seed
but one from which can grow new life for the world.
 
Let us walk together along this path
with our sisters and brothers
in this broken world of ours.
Let us walk together along this path
with Jesus,
and discover that it is a path of hope.

Jean Vanier, introduction to the Broken Body

Do we stand with Tutella Dhas?

In Simple Spirituality, Chris Heuertz tells a story of his encounter with Tutella Dhas, a young man Chris and his friends found dying on the streets of Calcutta.  After trying to speak and cleaning him as well as they could, they were able to find a taxi to go Mother Theresa's House for the Dying.  It wasn't until after Tutella left with two of Chris's friends that Chris noticed a sign less than five feet away.  It stated "All are welcome here" and was posted in front of a church.  Chris asks the obvious question:

If all were truly welcome, then why was a man dying at the threshold of the church?  Why didn't anyone come out to help him?

Chris goes on to bring the lesson closer to home - the closed church gate is not merely an institutional issue, but reflects our own closed hearts and isolated Christians communities. How often have I eaten a free meal at a church and looked around to see only the same middle and upper-middle class people that fill the church every Sunday? Jesus explicitly commanded: "When you give a feast, invite the poor, the maimed, the lame, the blind" (Luke 14:14), so where are they? I can count on one hand the number of homeless and poor people I treated to lunch/dinner last year, while I sat down with rich friends on a monthly basis.

This lack of hospitality does not just hold for meals. How many of our church buildings sit empty every night while people sleep out in the elements on the city streets outside? Why did I go two entire years with an empty room in my house when its so difficult for so many people to afford rent in Los Angeles? These aren't imagined needs - I spent two years in a position where I was trying to help people find temporary shelter and affordable rents in L.A., and I was unsuccessful more often than not. So why haven't we done more when we have the chance?

I'm not aiming to lead us all down a guilt-trip road that will inspire us to work harder on one aspect of Christian living for a season.  I think it goes deeper than that.  We can't talk about this lack of priority that the needy have in our lives as if its one more commandment that we just have to spend a little more time on. Loving our neighbors, especially those who are most in need, is at the center of what Christ taught us that it means to be followers of Him. Read Matthew 11:2-6, Matthew 25:31-46, Mark 10:17-31, Luke 10:25-37, Luke 14:7-24, Luke 16:19-31, John 13:1-20, John 13:31-35, Acts 2:42-47, Acts 4:32-37, 2 Corinthians 8 and 9, Galatians 2:7-10, James 1:27-2:26, and 1 John 3:11-18.  These passages make it clear that a deep concern for the daily welfare of our neighbors isn't just a bit of advice - it's central to Christ's message.  There are a hundred more passages across nearly every book of the Bible that can be used to augment this priority.  So what are we so fearful of that forces us to keep our church buildings sitting empty at night, our meals limited to those friends well-off enough to return the favor later, and our money expended on things that most of the world would consider a luxury? What are we missing in who Christ was, what He said, and how He acted in this world that leads us to make this point an afterthought rather than giving it the central focus in our lives that it deserves?

LORD, may I be able to look into Tutella Dhas's eyes with love instead of shame.   May I continue to learn from You how I may live more simply so that others may gain the bare essentials they need to live.  May I trust in You for everything, that I can both believe the message You have given and may obey it without fear.  And may all of us in the Church gain a deeper knowledge of Your love for us, that we may be able to turn around and act towards the most vulnerable around us with that same love.

Freedom of Simplicity

Last year we read a wonderful book by Richard Foster called Freedom of Simplicity. I resonated a ton with the book and have recommended it to numerous people. However, both of us have mentioned that we feel we are just in the beginning stages of adopting the lifestyle discussed within the book.  I don't think I had begun to feel the depths of the title until I was sitting in the airport last night, my earthly possessions whittled down to what could fit in a backpack and a couple duffel bags, and just feeling free. I'm sure part of the feeling came from the impending trip, and part came from getting to go on this journey together. But the depth of the feeling came from having dropped my responsibilities and material possessions down to only those which fit within the particular service God has led us to. Numerous friends have asked me when I was going to get excited about leaving, and I kept telling them that I was taking things one day at a time.  Well, I think the truth was that I couldn't feel the excitement while I was still dealing with the responsibilities I had taken on back in L.A. Now I have only my chosen service to focus on, and I am giddy.

What Pays for Service?

The process of leaving my current job for service overseas has forced me to think about financial questions. The central one has tended to be "Why do we have to raise support to take on this position?"


As I thought about that question, the first answer is the obvious one - because this service does not lead to a direct financial profit. However, I've always worked jobs that didn't have direct profits - working at charity centers, teaching in jails and public schools, and doing basic scientific research. So there is an additional issue going on here.

When I did science research for a college, the funding came from donations to the school as well as federal grants that they received. In a way I actually was working off of support, it's just that I didn't have to raise the support myself - the college had a whole division focused on that. When I was working for public schools, the funding came from the government. They were able to raise that funding through taxes. At my charter school, they also raised additional funds through private and corporate donations. When I worked at a charity center, part of the money came from the government and part came from private donations for the center.

So I've actually been living off of the support of others already. Nearly everyone who works in a nonprofit enterprise is either getting their support from the government or from private donors. (Some nonprofits run for-profit businesses to help their bottom line, but these often fail to cover even their own costs and almost never cover all the work of the nonprofit.) A few (Bill Gates) may be working off of their own former earnings. Since I'm not independently wealthy, working overseas and in a religious context pretty much assures that I will be living off of the support of other people.

The big difference between everything I've done before and the work I'm doing now is that I'm the one responsible for raising the funds. I'm not relying on the federal government or USC or operations of the Catholic Church to raise the money for me anymore. That's good and bad. It should be much better for the people supporting me - they get to be in direct contact with the service they're supporting, they get to feel more a part of what is going on there, and we get to grow together through our relationship with each other throughout the whole process. And I've seen this in my own life - there's a difference between sending money to an agency or cause that you support and being able to directly support someone who is working towards that cause. However, there's a downside too. The biggest is the lack of certainty. That should be an upside, right? It allows us to trust in God and helps us avoid the trap of thinking that we "deserve" our money via the fruits of our labors. But that's hard!  And having to ask is scary too - I think that many of us have an internal desire and embarrassment about asking other people for money.

I really want to get joy out of this part of the process too. Partnering with other people in this service should be a joyful thing. Working with the support of a wide network of friends back home should be much more fulfilling than just being sent by a faceless agency to do the work in isolation. We just have to figure out how to focus on those positives, and overcome our own issues with asking for money and living "off of" other people. Getting support from other people may be completely Godly and Biblical, but it still takes a lot of getting used to.



p.s. - I've been thinking about this since the beginning, but I posted now because we are discussing having to write an email to everyone to talk about our support situation. It led me to share all those feelings I've been having about this whole idea of support. If you got this far, you're amazing - thank you for reading!